i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
