There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize