I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
