It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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