Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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