Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
