I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
