two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
