I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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