First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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