she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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