You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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