the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
