you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
