i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
