I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
