What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
