You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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