It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
