how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
