I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
