I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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