you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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