I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
