i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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