He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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