If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize