It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
