No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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