she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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