i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
