there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
