I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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