My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
