Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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