My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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