he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
