Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
