I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
