Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
