is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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