what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
