I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
