You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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