I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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