Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
...so i touched it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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