dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry my hands just texted you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
