Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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