somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
