what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
