I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
