i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
