This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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