so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize