I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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