wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
