The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
even my farts smell like vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
