This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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