Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
