That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
