We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
