I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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