his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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