You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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