Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
