He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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