I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
