Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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