Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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