i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
