i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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Alive.
So much puke
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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