A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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