Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
