I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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